All of Me

I LOVE this song.  I cannot stop listening to it.  It was written by Matt Hammitt from the band Sanctus Real.  His son Bowen was born with a heart defect and they did not know if he was going to survive.  

 I think this song so accurately portrays the love parents have for their children.  It is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.  If I wrote a song for Michael, this is exactly what I would say.

Michael's Pumpkins

Punkin.  That's what I called him.  

He even had the cutest little hand-crocheted pumpkin hat made by my wonderful cousin and best friend, Cristi.  

In honor of our little punkin, Scott came up with the idea to ask everyone to carve a pumpkin and post a picture of it on Facebook to help fill Michael's pumpkin patch.  The response was overwhelming.  In the end, I think we ended up with over 200 pumpkin pictures.  Here are a few of my favorites:

We are so thankful for everyone who chose to participate in helping us remember and honor our sweet little boy.  In the future, we are hoping to turn this into some sort of fund raiser and all of the proceeds will go to Riley Hospital for Children.

Thank you for all your love and support!

I Miss Him

There are so many things I have wanted to say, but have been struggling to write down.  My heart aches for my little boy.  I miss him.  I miss him so much, it hurts.  I miss his teeny tiny hands that would grasp my finger so tightly.  I miss watching him sleep.  I even miss changing his miniature diapers.

It is so hard to not focus on everything we missed out on, but to focus on everything we got to experience with Michael.  To not dwell on the time we will not have with him in the future, but to rejoice for the time we were given with him. 

In a perfect world, I would still be pregnant right now- not grieving the death of my son, who came into this world too early and fought for his life for exactly one month.  I should be picking out nursery decorations, not a headstone for an infant's grave.

I have had good days and I have had ugly days.  Yesterday was an ugly day.  I spent a good portion of the day crying and having a pity party for myself.  My sister-in-law gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  His name is Landon and he is absolutely beautiful and perfect.  While I am so happy for them, I am also sad, jealous, angry.

I do not cry for Michael, for I know that he is in Heaven.  He is now perfect.

I cry because I miss him.  

 

Hello World!

Iron Mike

Take a look at this little guy.  15 days ago, I was laying on a bed at St. Francis Hospital listening to the doctor pretty much tell me that we were going to lose him.  My water had broken at 23 weeks and 5 days and almost all of my amniotic fluid was gone.  For the moment, my contractions had slowed down and my cervix had not started to dilate.  Thankfully, the doctor on call (not my doctor) made the decision to send me to University Hospital for observation.  I got to ride in an ambulance for the first time- no, they did not turn the lights on :(  As soon as we got to University Hospital, everything changed.  The doctors and nurses were so optimistic and positive that everything would work out and that they would do everything in their power to make sure that the baby and I were safe and would have the best care possible.  We met with lots of doctors the following day and I was told that I would be living at the hospital until Michael decided to make his grand entrance into the world.  I was told that it could be 2 days, 2 week, 2 months, etc. 

Well.......my little guy had other plans.  Big plans.  He did not like the idea of hanging out in my belly and not being able to swim around and do his somersaults and gymnastics.  About 24 hours after being admitted to University Hospital, I started having contractions.  Hard contractions.  Really close together contractions- like not even a minute apart.  And they hurt!  I almost threw up from the pain and all I could do was writhe around on my bed in pain.  I seriously went from .5 centimeter dilated to the baby crowning in about an hour.  The doctors came in and got everything ready, I pushed three times and he was out!  I did not have an epidural and even though he was tiny, it still hurt- not as bad as my contractions, but not comfy.  I cannot even imagine pushing out a term baby with no drugs!  The doctors took him away immediately and I didn't get to see him for about 30 minutes.  I still have not held him.

Michael was born weighing only 1 lb, 5 oz.  He is currently residing in the NICU at Riley Hospital and will be there for the next few months.  He is super teeny tiny and completely adorable.  He is doing very well, but we have a long road ahead of us.

His weight got down to 1 lb, 1 oz, but he is now sitting pretty at 1 lb, 10 oz and has grown a half an inch since birth!  Michael has had a lot of really great days and a couple of sort of rocky days.  He was on breast milk feedings for about a week, but then developed an infection, so he is off that for now.  The antibiotics are working hard to clear things up and hopefully we will start feedings again in a couple days.

Michael has been super active recently!  He loves to grab onto whatever he can get his little hands on- usually his breathing or feeding tube.  He actually holds onto his feeding tube so much that they have to reset and tape it about every other day.  Michael loves to squirm and wiggle around.  He hates laying on his side.  Lately, I have noticed that he makes lots of sucking motions with his mouth and likes to stick his tongue out and has lately been trying to suck his thumb!  It amazes me that even at this early stage, he does things like this.  He is such an amazing little guy!

Thanks to everyone for all the prayers!  We love Michael so much and are so excited to see what each day brings :)

Michael Davis Duncan

Michael Davis Duncan
Born September 23, 2011
1 lb, 5 oz

Michael was born 16 weeks early.  He is doing very well, but has a very long road ahead of him.  He is a good size for his age, but still very teeny tiny.  Please pray for health and strength as he grows and develops, wisdom for his team of doctors and nurses at Riley and calm and strength for Scott and me.  We love this little guy so very much and are so happy that we have been chosen to be his parents.

One of these days, I will write out and post his birth story for all to hear.  For now, I am just enjoying being a mommy to this amazing little boy.

Reading List

Ever since my sister Melanie taught me to read, I have had an almost insatiable craving to read anything I can get my hands on.  For the past few years, I have been in a book club.  We meet once a month to discuss the books and just have some fun girl time.  I have been pretty good this year about reading our books, in addition to other ones.  In years past, I have tried keeping a list of everything I had read for the year- I usually average about 30 books a year.  I definitely feel I have been slacking a little this year.  I blame it partly on this pregnancy.  I used to love to get into bed early and read until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.  Now, I pretty much get in bed and pass out immediately.  We are planning to go on vacation in October, so hopefully I can get caught up :)  Here is what I have read so far:

Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
4 Blondes by Candace Bushnell
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
What to Expect when You're Expecting (working my way through it week-by-week) by Heidi Murkoff
Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
Dune Road by Jane Green
Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rawandan Holocaust by Imaculee Ilibagiza
Fools Rush In by Janice Thompson
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (I have tried to read this multiple times. Still working on it)
Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver
Delirium by Lauren Oliver
Baby Bargains by Denise and Alan Fields

You may notice that there is a lot of teen fiction on my list.  I absolutely LOVED the Hunger Games trilogy and almost cried when I was finished reading it.  Now, I am hooked on Lauren Oliver books.  I have read her only two books and they were both fantastic.  I have a few other books by on request at the library by authors I have not yet read, so I should be able to add to the list pretty quickly.  Scott bought me a Kindle for my birthday this year and I learned recently that the library is in the process of making it possible to "check out" e-books!  This is HUGE!  I love my Kindle, but sometimes struggle with the fact of paying so much for a book that isn't a physical book.  And of course I love the library because it is free.

What are you reading right now?

Halfway!

I've seen this survey floating around online and I stole it from my book club friend Kristen.  I haven't really talked much about my pregnancy on the blog so far and since I'm now past the halfway mark, I thought you all should know what's going on with me, my bod and my baby.

How far along? 21 weeks

Total weight gain/loss? 8ish lbs.- which I think I am carrying all up top...if ya know what I mean.

Maternity clothes? Some, but not all.  I have this awesome pair of maternity khaki pants that roll up to be capris.  They are the best.  I could live in them!  I'm pretty much still wearing my jeans and regular shirts, though.  I actually WANT to wear maternity clothes.  I got a lot of really cute things from my friend Amanda and purchased a few things from Old Navy that I am eager to wear.

Stretch marks? Not yet...hopefully not ever!  My mom and sister did not get them, so I'm holding out hope that I will be the same.

Sleep? Hit or miss.  One night, I will sleep like a champ, only waking up once to pee, while other nights, I feel I spend more time in the bathroom than in bed.  I hate sleeping on my side, so I bought a body pillow to hug while I sleep and that has really helped.  

Best moment last week? Seeing our baby on the ultrasound screen.  I could have looked at that all day :)

Movement? Some, mostly at night.  He was all over the place during the ultrasound, so I must just not be feeling it yet.

Food cravings? Not many.  I was feeling pretty queasy my first trimester and all I wanted was mashed potatoes and gravy and really starchy foods.  Now, I'm pretty much eating normal again.  I have found that while I'm not craving a lot of things, I have definite aversions to certain foods.  I normally love chicken wings and the thought of eating meat off the bone right now makes me want to vomit :(   I also cannot stomach the thought of coffee right now, either.

Gender? BOY!!!  We just found out this past Thursday and couldn't be happier!

Labor signs? Nope...thank goodness!

Belly button in/out? In.  My tummy isn't very big yet, so we'll see!  I just took my bellybutton ring out the other day, just in case my belly does pop in the near future.

What I miss: Wanting to go to the gym after work, drinking coffee and beer

What I am looking forward to: Being able to feel movement from the outside!

Overall update: Overall, everything is looking great! My doctor is really laid back and happy with how my pregnancy is coming along.  I have been experiencing a lot of heart burn lately- apparently that means I am having a hairy baby!

Baby Names: We don't really have anything we are set on yet...but since everyone likes to know what we're thinking, here you go.
- Boy: We are leaning towards Michael, but nothing set in stone yet.

And now...what you've been waiting for...the picture!

My Staycation

I blessed to have a great job that I love (most of the time) and 3 weeks vacation time.  Scott only gets two weeks, so that leaves me with an entire week to spend by myself!  While I have no grand plans for the week, I do have quite the list of things I would like to get done.    

1. Sew

Boppy covers- do you have any idea how expensive they are?  It is ridiculous to spend $15-30 for something I can make from what I already have in my fabric stash.

Maybe a couple of these boutique style bibs for my bebe and my brother and his wife (they are expecting their first little one around the end of October).  Again, from what I already have in my stash.

2.  Clean out spare bedroom, which will be the baby's room.  We have lived in our home for over a year now and have never really done much to this room besides just throw things in there that we don't know what to do with.  It is pretty much a black hole. 

3.  Cook

Zucchini bread or some variation of it.  I will probably make muffins instead of bread, so we can freeze them for easy snacks.

Meatballs- I make mine with either ground chicken or turkey.  This time, I will definitely be using ground chicken due to all of the recalls on ground turkey lately.  I will probably freeze these, as well.

Buffalo Chicken casserole- also from Eating Well magazine.  I have not made this, but it intrigues me.  I will probably split the recipe between two smaller casserole dishes.  One for now, one for later.  If I make it, I will let you all know how it is.

4.  Organize

This sort of goes hand in hand with cleaning the spare bedroom out.  I have piles laying everywhere of my craft and sewing supplies.  I need to come up with some sort of system for them and a place to store everything.  I also need to go through my clothes.  My friend Amanda gave me a great idea to go through my closet and pack up the clothes that I know for sure I will not be able to wear while pregnant.  That way, my closet won't get all clogged with regular and maternity clothes (I already have a TON of stuff Amanda let me borrow.  Not all of it is my taste or will fit, but it will help me so I don't have to spend a lot of money on maternity clothes.)

5.  Paint foyer

In the year we have lived in our house, our foyer has already been 3 colors.  I bought paint this morning and will be painting it again this week.

The original shade was the color of flesh.  No lie.  I wish I knew what it was to show you the awfulness of it, but I don't.  I know you're sad.

The second shade was supposed to be a really pretty apple green.  It looked like Kermit the Frog green.  It looks rather lovely on the swatch.  Hideous in my house.

The current color was good for a while, but I'm over it.  It, too, is a shade of green, but lighter and brighter than the previous.

The shade I purchased today is.....you guessed it!  Green.  Hopefully this is the keeper.  A little more gray and a little darker.

6.  The in-laws are coming for a couple days.  I have no idea what we are going to do, except for one thing- eat!

So, those are my plans for the week.  I will be pleased if I get half of them completed! :)
 

Easy and healthy breakfasts

I am a breakfast eater.  I think about what I am going to eat for breakfast the next morning while I am trying to fall asleep at night.  I could eat breakfast food for dinner almost every night, so, therefore, I do not understand people that say, "I just can't eat first thing in the morning."  I am so hungry when I wake up, I have to eat first thing, before anything else.  Due to the fact that I get up pretty early- around 5am- I usually keep it pretty simple, like cereal and fruit, peanut butter toast, oatmeal, etc.  Now that I have a little person growing in my belly and making me even more ravenous in the morning, I have needed to add a little more substance to my breakfast routine. 

I subscribe to the magazine Eating Well and receive tons of emails loaded with great, easy recipes that usually have affordable and easily accessible ingredients.  A recent email was dedicated to quick and easy healthy breakfasts- just what I need!  A lot of the recipes talked about veggie omelets, scrambled eggs wrapped in a tortilla, etc.  I don't know about you, but I'm a little too lazy to get out the skillet and scramble a couple eggs in the morning.  The less dirty dishes, the better!  Needless to say, when I stumbled upon a recipe for Overnight Oatmeal, I was intrigued.  You basically through everything in the crock pot before going to bed and wake up to warm, creamy oatmeal in the morning, NO HASSLE!  I followed the recipe exactly and I would definitely make a few suggestions. 

1. This recipe uses no added sweeteners.  I would recommend mixing in some vanilla extract for the cooking process and maybe even some honey afterward, if you prefer a sweeter oatmeal. 

2.  This makes a ton of oatmeal.  Try splitting the recipe in half, unless you plan on feeding an army. 

3.  Spray your crock pot with cooking spray, or better yet, spend $2 on a box of four crock pot liners.  I don't use them for everything, but they are great to have around for certain recipes that are a pain to clean up. 

4.  Make this on a weekend or if you time that morning to clean up and package leftovers.  I did not use a liner and did not clean my crock pot up right away and it was covered in mossy green mold within a couple days. 

5.  The recipe calls for chopped, dried cranberries and apricots.  I think dried apples, cherries or blueberries would be equally good.  I also added a little milk and slivered almonds to mine right before eating.

6.  Steel cut oats are super healthy for you.  Eat them.  They will keep you regular.  We could all use a little of that, right?  :)

Overnight Oatmeal (Eating Well Magazine, Winter 2004)

8 cups water
2 cups steel-cut oats
1/3 cup dried cranberries
1/3 cup dried apricots, chopped
1/4 teaspoon salt, or to taste

Combine all ingredients in a 5-6 quart slow cooker.  Put on lid and set temperature to low.  Cook 7-8 hours, or until oatmeal is creamy.  Enjoy!

The Big 3-0

Welcome to my first blog post EVER!  Okay, enough of that...

As many of you know, I am 30 today.  Most people dread these milestone birthdays and say that they are 29 for, like, 5 years.  Not me.  Unlike most people, I have really enjoyed getting older.  Okay, I may not enjoy that some things are not as **perky** as they used to be, but I have enjoyed learning to be more comfortable with myself and to just be me, not who everyone wants me to be. 

Since this is an important birthday, I, I mean we, decided to drag the celebration out over the entire weekend.  And what better way to celebrate?  We ate.  All.  Weekend.  It was wonderful.  Friday was Santorini Greek Kitchen with my parents, sister, and brother-in-law.  Oh how I love that place!  If you haven't been, you must go.  Saturday night, we went to Mama Carolla's in Broad Ripple with the McLinns.  Another fantastic place.  We decided to go a little low key today and just do breakfast at Lincoln Square Pancake House and grill out dinner tonight at home.  Scott got me an Amazon Kindle and a lilac bush- two things I have really wanted.  All in all, it has been a really great weekend.  I have a lot to be thankful for and lots to look forward to in the upcoming year.   

A minor case of identity borrowing....

This is not Lauren..... This is Cristi! Along with many other people, I have been bugging Lauren to start a blog. She is my cousin, and really the closest thing I have to a sister (by blood!). That is why I wanted her to have a blog, and she is a lot funnier than she gives her self credit.

It is also for the above reasons that I took it upon myself to start a blog for her. So I did what any normal person would do... I created an e-mail account to set up the blog account for my cousin to write!

I just wanted to let you know that this is my fault, and if she doesn't write in it, then we only have me to blame....